If Manny became a Jay...

Let me start by saying I don't expect free-agent slugger Manny Ramirez to sign with the Blue Jays this winter. There have been several media reports suggesting Toronto is interested and Ramirez is willing to listen, but let's be honest: Manny doesn't fit J.P. Riccardi's profile of a player he's likely to pick-up.

Mainly, he's not yet washed up. (See: Mench, K.; Wilkerson, B. & Rolen, S.)

But let's pretend Manny did sign in Toronto. Maybe this is how the 2009 season would unfold:

April: Ramirez out-homers the rest of the Blue Jay roster combined, 9-8. Unfortunately all the extra long balls don't lead to a dramatic increase in wins, as Toronto continues their trend of mediocre starts. At least the Manny dreadlock wig night at the Skydome is a huge success.

May: Upon his return to Boston, Ramirez claims to have twisted both knees while stepping off the plane and is forced to sit out the entire three game series. No x-rays are needed as Cito Gaston informs the media, "we can tell there is some discomfort and the safe thing is to rest him". The Fenway crowd has no idea what to do with itself, so it basically plays dead as the Jays take 2 of 3 to edge above .500.

June: The Boston media make their first trip of the season to Toronto, but Manny makes himself unavailable for comment. During his first at-bat against his former team, Ramirez rips a double to the gap in left, poses at the plate for a moment, then decides to run the bases backwards, rounding third before stopping at second. New ESPN baseball analyst Donovan McNabb, who just retired from the NFL, says he had no idea a player couldn't head for third instead of first after a hit.

July: While in New York the Blue Jays traveling secretary files a restraining order against Ramirez and the team suspends him for a week after the slugger roughs up the team employee for only giving Manny 25 complimentary tickets for a game at the new Yankee Stadium. Ramirez issues a public apology that culminates with an ear-to-ear grin and an "it's all good." With Manny inactive, Roy Halladay throws two straight complete games to keep Toronto afloat.

August: Manny hits the longest homer in Skydome history, a moon-shot that actually goes over the fifth deck and breaks through a Renaissance Hotel window. Back in the dugout, Manny and John McDonald cap off the homer with their awesome celebratory handshake that’s fast becoming a youtube sensation.

September: With the Jays still in contention Manny's bat goes ice cold as he considers the real possibility of having to play in more than 162 games. He refuses to answer any questions verbally, responding only with a nod or shake of his head. Toronto loses 14 of their final 20 and finishes fourth in the closely contested AL East. Yup, still fourth. During his exit interview Ramirez hints that he wants his contract extended or re-negotiated, saying, "it doesn't feel like I'm wanted. I'm tired of all the BS, they need to show me the love."