Inside the Mind of Chris Bosh

Recall the the movie 'Being John Malkovich'. Directed by Spike Jonze and released in 1999, the film revolves around a portal that leads people directly inside the head of John Malkovich and allows them to feel, hear and see anything Malkovich is experiencing.

Well, it just so happens that I've found a similar door in my office that acts as a portal inside Chris Bosh. Seriously. And just as it does in Being John Malkovich, this adventure lasts for 15 minutes (although instead of being dumped by the Jersey Turnpike this ride ends with a seat on the TTC, in a Subway Car stopped at Finch station).

However, unlike John Cusack's character in the movie, I will not attempt to profit from this finding. Instead I will pass on everything I saw and learned about the impending free-agent.

Trip #1

My first trip inside the mind of CB4 came while Bosh and his teammates were in the practice gym, working on shooting. And by 'working on' I mean joking around, trash-talking, texting and generally not working on shooting. In one corner you had Andrea Bargnani, Hedo Turkoglu and Marco Belinelli flipping through an issue of Vogue and re-enacting Justin Timberlake dance moves. No kidding. In another, Antoine Wright, Marcus Banks and Sonny Weems were throwing dice, and in another Rasho Nesterovic and Patrick O'Bryant looked like they were frozen. I wanted Bosh to walk over for a quick chat or throw a bullet chest pass to one of them to see if they were actually sleeping on their feet with their eyes open. It was extremely creepy and yet fascinating. In the midst of it all, head coach Jay Triano was pacing back and forth and constantly repeating sporadic comments like "play hard guys", "hustle", and "that's it, that's it". To whom he was talking was a mystery, because absolutely no one was paying him any attention. Except DeRozan, who was nodding his head like a puppy eager to please his owner. Bosh, on the other hand, was alone shooting at a basket along the side of the gym with the athletic trainer feeding him basketballs. Swish. Swish. Swish. I counted 22 in a row before he finally missed and the whole time all he was thinking was "jump, cock, release, follow through". You know how sometimes you're watching the game and you wonder how and why some players are so much better than others? Stop wondering.

Trip #2

On my next expedition Bosh was in the gym lifting weights with Amir Johnson and Raptors strength and conditioning coach Francesco Cuzzolin. In between bench-press sets Bosh asked Cuzzolin, "where are the rest of the guys?" and the only response he got was a simple shrug of the shoulders. Bosh momentarily pictured the arms of Turkoglu, and then Bargnani, shook his head and began another set of reps. With each push of the bar upwards, Bosh imagined former and current NBA greats. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Lebron, Wade, Kobe. During rest periods, he exchanged texts with Jay Leno, who was inviting him back to cover the NBA Finals again. Bosh was flattered but said he couldn't commit yet because he could still be playing. Hmmmmmm, that doesn't sound like the Toronto team I've been watching. Red flag alert.

Trip #3

This one was a total waste of time. Hoping for further insight into his plans for next year and beyond, all I ended up doing was watching Bosh play 'Madden' with his brother while they tried to rap over Timbaland beats (apparently brand new and produced specifically for him) and discussed possible YouTube skits. Be prepared for a Whoopi Goldberg/Mikki Moore love child bit. And maybe an album. Or a variety show. Really, everything is on the table at this point. Oh, and if you ever have the chance to play vids with Bosh, do not take him on in Madden. His cover-two defense was suffocating and he had Drew Brees looking like, well, Drew Brees. Only better.

Trip #4

Finally, I end up on the floor with Bosh during an actual game. Well, almost. It was against the Atlanta Hawks and the Raps were already down by 20 in the second quarter by the time I arrived, but I was still looking forward to getting a better understanding of the on-court relationships Bosh has with his teammates. And just like that, Jose gave Bosh a look and they connected on a devastating alley-oop dunk. Since I was a kid, I've always wanted to experience the thrill of dunking a basketball. Good times. From there it took about 60 additional seconds for me to realize that there are 20 or so games left in CB4's Toronto career. Bosh cursed Bargnani under his breath for A) letting a rebound tip off his hands out of bounds, B) clanking consecutive wide open threes without giving Bosh a touch, and C) looking like a big dope who only plays basketball because he happens to be seven feet tall. After Mike Bibby burnt Jose on back-to-back possessions and Turkoglu laughed off a 14-0 run against them, Bosh's blood was boiling and I'm 90% sure I heard him think, "five more years with this nucleus? No thanks". When Triano mercifully pulled him off the court with less than a minute remaining in the half, Bosh went to the bench, put a towel over his head and definitely said "only six more months till Miami".

That final trip was more than enough to break the heart of every Raptors fan, but is by no means a shock to anyone. The team around Bosh is simply not good enough to entice him to stay.

Clearly things can change. The Raptors, theoretically, could go on a ridiculous tear that turns them into a bonafide title contender and convinces Bosh to stay. The rest of the Toronto roster could suddenly develop toughness, intensity and basketball smarts. Heck, Lindsay Lohan could still potentially win an Oscar.

It's just not likely.

Youngblood II

Potentially coming to a theatre near you: Youngblood II.

Yes, 23 years after the original cult hit about a young hockey player trying to impress the scouts and learning how to live on his own, and I, the CSJ have been asked to write a sequel. And I've made it my mission to put together a star-studded Canadian roster that could potentially turn Youngblood II into this country's signature cinematic masterpiece. (What, you really thought Passchendaele was that great?)

The cast I have in mind is obviously quite ambitious, but if Ryan Gosling can agree to be in 'Breaker High', I have to assume he'd be open to this project. Especially considering I've targeted Rachel McAdams to play his love interest. And as they did in the original, Youngblood II will utilize current NHL talent to fill out the rosters of all teams seen in the film. Expect to see the Staal brothers, Dion Phaneuf, and any current player cool enough to wear a moustache. Well, sorry, not you Ian White.

Anyway, I've been asked not to give away too many details, but I can pass along the following brief plot synopsis:

Clark Youngblood (played by Ryan Gosling) is a gifted offensive talent from rural Ontario looking to follow in the footsteps of his professional hockey-playing Dad (Cameo Alert! Yes, a certain former West Wing star and the original Youngblood has a role in the sequel). After some brief internal debate, Clark leaves his hometown and joins the junior Hamilton Mustangs where he is quickly taken under the wing of team captain and stay at home defenceman Rick Thompson (played by Ryan Reynolds). Thompson shows the rookie which bars to drink at, which restaurants to eat at, and which girls to stay away from. (I'm considering Elisha Cuthbert for that role, but I'm not sure she'll be able to understand the character.)

The Mustangs get off to a quick start thanks in large part to their dynamic rookie center, but last year's scoring leader and current assistant captain Dwayne Stock (played by Hayden Christensen) is threatened by the emergence of Youngblood and does all he can to sabotage his performance, including tainting his food, humiliating him with vulgar hazing tactics, and purposefully making him miss the team bus.

This eventually leads to Coach Parker (played by Kiefer Sutherland...in platform shoes) benching Youngblood which causes the rookie to question his ability and his decision to leave his family. Picture a montage set to Sam Roberts' Brother Down.

Meanwhile, Youngblood and Tracy Parker (played by Rachel McAdams), who happens to be the coach's daughter, take their passionate relationship to the next level and that again lands the rookie in hot water with his Coach. After Thompson negotiates a truce between the Coach and Youngblood and inspires the entire team (think Al Pacino's two inches speech from Any Given Sunday), the Mustangs again face the Blades, their chief rival, who feature the meanest, toughest, dirtiest player in the league, Sam Crampton (played by Taylor Kitsch, who is Tim Riggins in FNL).

Will Youngblood be able to mend his relationship and co-exist with teammate Stock? Can Coach Parker get past his personal feelings and put the Mustangs in the best position to win? And can the Mustangs man-up and out-duel their nemesis, the Blades, and advance to the league championship?

I'm trying to decide between Jason Reitman, David Cronenberg or Paul Haggis to direct. This thing has 'blockbuster' written all over it. No really, it does.

The Greatest Canadian MLB Free Agent Class...Ever

This winter's MLB free agent class has been labeled as 'weak', 'ordinary', 'lacking in star power' and 'more boring than an episode of Ugly Betty'. Okay, I made that last one up but for the most part, the labels are deserved. After all, it's hard to get fired up when Chone Figgins, Johnny Damon and Miguel Tejada are amongst the biggest names available.

However, when you observe with a Canadian perspective, this is without doubt our country's greatest collection of un-signed baseball talent ever available in the same off-season. It isn't a long list, with only three names on it (sorry Eric Gagne), but what it lacks in length it certainly makes up for with pure talent.

The class is headed by Trail, B.C. native Jason Bay. The right-handed, power hitting right fielder burst onto the scene by winning the NL rookie of the year in 2004 with Pittsburgh, but really made a name for himself when he was traded to Boston in the Manny Ramirez deal in 2008. It was in Boston where Bay, fueled by the constant national and local media attention as well as his first taste of a pennant race, finally had his considerable talent noticed.

In 200 games with the Red Sox, Bay hit 45 homers, drove in 157 runs, had a .380 OBP and carried Boston to within one game of the 2008 World Series. Bay reportedly turned down a four year $60 million offer from the Sox and will likely end up signing for somewhere in the neighborhood of $85 million. Unfortunately for Blue Jay fans, that neighborhood will not be in Toronto.

Bay has consistently been mentioned as one of, if not the premier free agent of the 2009 class (along with Matt Holliday and John Lackey), but seemingly forgotten are two other highly talented Canadian pitchers who have been marred by injury.

The first is Erik Bedard, who reportedly spent the last two seasons fighting with teammates and the coaching staff in Seattle. Bedard has a career record of 51-41 with a 3.71 ERA but has only managed to make 15 starts in each of the last two years. The lefty from Ottawa was so highly sought after two years ago that Seattle traded Adam Jones and George Sherill for him prior to the 2008 season (both became All-Stars in Baltimore). Not surprisingly, Bill Bavasi, the Seattle GM who made that trade, is no longer the Seattle GM.

The second is Victoria's Rich Harden, who followed up an impressive 2008 (25 starts, 10-2, 2.07 ERA, 181 K's) with a mediocre 2009 (26 starts, 9-9, 4.09 ERA, 171 K's) but has a 50-29 career record and averages better than a strikeout an inning. Harden broke into the big leagues as a 21 year-old with the Oakland Athletics and appeared to be destined for stardom but injuries have been a constant issue. He has topped 150 innings only once in his seven seasons but continues to tantalize scouts with his repertoire.

Harden turned 28 on Monday of this week and Bedard is only 30, so perhaps both will follow in the footsteps of former Blue Jay Chris Carpenter, who stuggled with injuries in his mid-twenties before blossoming into a Cy Young winner and World Series champion with the St.Louis Cardinals.

Both players, because of their injury histories, will be forced into accepting short-term deals at what will likely be deep paycuts (Bedard made $7.75M and Harden $7M in 2009). However, if both can stay healthy they certainly have the ability and talent to provide excellent value to whichever clubs end up signing them.