Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Canadian Sports Broadcasting Power Rankings V 2.0

#474 - Gabriel Morency - In November the management team at The Score finally came to their senses and removed Morency from his daily national program that was killing more Canadian brain cells than BC bud. Gabe is a horrific broadcaster, incapable of making an articulate point or creating an interesting argument. Listening to his show for even a second always made me think of the classic Billy Madison quote "what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it."

#296 - Jason Portuondo - Now that Morency is off the air, Portuondo could be the worst sports broadcaster in the country. Ummm, Jason: There is no such thing as an "offensive rebound" in hockey, it's just a damn rebound. Same thing for baseball, where an error isn't "unforced", it's simply an error. The good news is if he keeps this up we'll soon be watching Portuondo push ridiculous comments on viewers of the Weather Channel.

#107 - P.J. Stock - He continues to attempt to set the world record for most words packed into a 60 second segment but at least the producers haven't moved him back onto 'Hotstove', where he was like Scrappy Doo, only even more annoying. To be fair, Stock has improved during his three years on HNIC, and in another three years he could be very good. But the first three years haven't been a lot of fun.

#81 - Ron MacLean - You certainly can't question his sporting knowledge, he's always been extremely well researched and prepared for any and every interview and you'll never catch him off guard with a random name, story or stat. He knows his stuff 100%. For a good ten years I thought MacLean was the best broadcaster in Canada, but the last number of years he's drifted away from what made him great. Instead of asking good questions, he rants on and on inserting copious amounts of background information into his question which he effectively answers even while delivering it.

#21 - Sid & Tim - The late-night duo on The Score make a big drop down from last year's rankings mainly because they've lost their cool. They've gone from loose and likable to over the top and kind of goofy. Not long ago they were innovative...unique...and awesomely funny, and now all you see are knee slaps and over-laughing along with way too many hand signals and pointing. They've become those weird dudes on the dance floor who try too hard. Get back behind a desk! Canadians like their sportscasters to appear legless.

#12 - Gerry Dee - Originally I thought his schtick on The Score would wear thin very quickly, but I've totally reversed my position. Now I love his bits, his dry humour, and the way he can pull off the lost puppy look without fail. During the group pieces with Cabbie, Sid and Tim, he steals every scene. And the Wiserhood commercial where he rips a hole in his sweater so that he won't match his wife...I've seen it 1000 times and it still gets me everytime. A year ago I would have said Dee was one of my least favorite Score personalities. Now the rankings (within the rankings) would look like this:

1. Gerry Dee
2. Cabbie
3. Sid + Tim
5. Glenn Schiller
204. Jake Thompson

#8 - James Duthie - He has found a home as the host of NHL hockey on TSN. Duthie knows how to provide the proper balance between straight-forward hockey talk and the humour/entertainment factor. The panel changes, but Duthie is constant and he always gets the best out of whichever analysts happen to be joining him. Anyone who can make Craig Mactavish seem personable has to be good at his job.

#4 - Mike Milbury - The new star of 'Hotstove' has quickly turned himself into the main reason why the second intermission on Saturday nights continue to be perhaps the best seven minutes of television each week. You may not always (or ever) agree with what Milbury has to say, but he certainly is entertaining. Watching him dismantle Ian Pulver in back-to-back episodes was particularly delightful. So are the endless jabs and jokes that his counterparts continue to fire at him because A) his track record as GM of the Islanders and B) the time he went into the crowd, pulled off a spectators shoe, proceeded to repeatedly smack him with it, and then poured ketchup on the shoe and fed it to the poor guy. (Okay, I made up the last part, but the rest is true.)

#1 - Darren Dutchyshen - Dutchy continues to be the gold standard against which every other Canadian sports broadcaster is judged. His delivery is engaging and he nails every one-liner. Basically, he's the exact opposite of everyone on Entertainment Tonight Canada. I can't find a single fault, not even the vest he now wears under his suit.


  1. Hey Zelkovich,

    Damn you for bashing Morency. His interviews are the best in the business: candid, brutally honest, insightful, and most importantly- uncensored.

    How can I take this article seriously when a guy who flaunts wearing lipstick is ranked #1?

    Long live the RAGE!!!


  2. What no ladies??? I think you need an encore presentation for the fairer sex...

  3. Zelkovich! That is pretty funny.

    Hedger made the list last year but there wasn't another female that really stood out to me this year, good or bad.

  4. and.......does #204 actually make it on TV.....built for radio if you ask me;)

    204. Jake Thompson

  5. Finally got to the Dutchy quote my good friend Johnny Mac :"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS"......albeit, I would hire him for a funeral parlour ad or as the next "Paul Bearer" (pardon the spelling) for the WWE.....that boy is SERIOUSLY useless.

  6. Morency is alive and well. Still raging every night online at

  7. The worst has got to be Darren Dreger ... I laugh everytime I hear him referred to as an NHL Insider. He writes the most obvious/worthless article out of anyone.

    I'm also not a fan of Duthie ... everytime I see him of think of Maggie the Monkey ... which was funny/cute for about 2 mins ... not 10 years or however long they played it out for.

    The best has still got to be Sid and Tim.


  8. Portuando is bad, but the reason's you gave are pretty mellow. If those were the only reason's, I could live him him. However, I can't... I don't watch Sportsnet because of him. His tone is a strange mix between the monotone and sarcastic; leaving you imagining him with a smug smirk on his face as he adores his own comments. Furthermore, his predictable comments. Unlike Jay and Dan on TSN Sportscentre, he is extremely unoriginal in his commentary. After a week of watching him talk (1 week where all I had was basic cable. No TSN.), I found myself yelling at the screen, "STOP SAYING THAT!". I won't say what cause it will take too much time. I refer to 7 or 8 different phrases that are both unfunny (but meant to be... which makes it worse)and mindnumbing. He, along with my consistently incorrect phone bill, have made me develop a huge disdain for Rogers.